My Month of Madness

In the midst of what I consider to be the prime of my life, I got sick, mysteriously sick. I was infected by something, that I’m still unsure of to this day. It crept up on me for a few weeks, quiet and subtle, then hit me like a ton of bricks. I was restricted for over a month to my bed. Once a place of relaxation and comfort, turned into space I loathed.

I was unable to move my body or lift my head up, without feeling enormous amounts of pain. I slowly lost my appetite, and the ability to speak clearly as more days went by.

My body ached of pain, as the fever set it on fire. 

This continued for what seems like months, before I was admitted to the ER. Several tests were ran, and the results were nothing short of disappointing. The doctors concluded the tests showed nothing that needed immediate attention, so I was released and ordered to consult with my general practitioner on moving forward.

I received multiple misdiagnoses from my practitioner and even made a pilgrimage to see an optometrist AND neurologist. I tried everything recommended and then some. Nothing seemed to make it better. In the weeks following, I was prescribed some daily medications that helped clear my speech up, but the beating headaches and cloudy thoughts seemed to be a consequence of that.

My symptoms remained constant, with no rhyme or reason. After being thrown around to several doctors, and given no answers. I was hopeless and frustrated. The world as I knew it had turned upside down and tossed me around. The repetetive blood work, MRI’s and CT scans are enough to exhaust someone out of trying to find an answer.

I confronted the harsh fact that there’s a big difference between a treatment and a cure, and as it turns out the doctors could offer me neither.

Letting go of my old understanding of life is excruciating at times. While the definition of “normal” remains ambiguous, the general concept feels quaint. Having to shift my thoughts on what I viewed as ‘normal’ after a health crisis was challenging to say the least. Life as I knew it, had changed dramatically and unceremoniously in ways I never saw coming.

I have developed a profound appreciation for the things around me because when your daily life is limited, the little things become the big things.

I’ve learned to cherish and hold onto each moment and celebrate victories, regardless of how small. I see the beauty in life that I was blind to before. Whether I am viewing it during a walk around the block or from a day spent in bed.

More than anything, I have come to appreciate my body, even though it isn’t working how I want it to.

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